Self Regulation and Long Breaks Turning Into a Rocky Reality

I was off work for spring break and I’m now trying to get myself back into my routines. I made it through the first week back (barely, really), but transitioning to the changes and finding motivation has been difficult. Self regulation has been difficult.

Transitioning Back

I’m an instructional aid at an elementary school, which has its good and bad parts. It works for right now, at this point in my life. Not something I’ll be doing forever. But, after having two weeks off on spring break, and not helping/preparing myself in any way into the transition back…my fallout from the week has been significant. Self regulation, overall has definitely been difficult to manage.

Transitions, changes in schedules, changes in the environment (I was primarily staying at my home, cocooned away from people during break)….these are all things that are not always easy to navigate, especially when you are neurodivergent.

Honestly, writing this blog post has felt like something that my brain just wants to continually push off to the side. I’ve been pretty tired and exhausted most of the past week, primarily because I didn’t do much of anything to prepare myself into transitioning back into my work.

I was heavily in a state of burn out on Thursday, and I’ve just been trying my best to finish things. Writing this blog post, it doesn’t feel good enough to post. It doesn’t feel planned out enough or perfect.

Most of the time, nothing I do truly feels good enough. Nothing ever truly feels perfect enough, in my own mind. I’m incredibly harsh and untrusting of my own perception and ideas. That needs to change, honestly. What I do isn’t instantly bad, if it’s not completely perfect in every way.

Combating Burnout

It’s been a hard week, for sure. But, truthfully, I do know that there are actually things that I can do to lessen the intensity of burnout (or just things I can do to be in a more regulated state, when burnout does hit).

For me, these include:

• Learning different self care strategies that allow myself to stay in a regulated state
• Actually remembering to implement those self care/regulation strategies
• Allowing myself the time to prepare/adjust to changes
• And, being truthful and honest with myself around my own limits and abilities.

Are they things that I want to do, that I know would be helpful?

Yes.

But, do I actually do them when I’m moving more towards a burnout?

Most of the time, no. I’m constantly forgetting.

I know what to do, it’s the actual doing that’s incredibly hard for my brain to get behind. That’s one of the most debilitating parts of being neurodivergent for me; knowing the steps that I need to take to be able to be more regulated and in a better mental state, but my brain not allowing me to take those steps. It’s like there is a wall in my brain that stops me from not only taking the steps, but also remembering what those steps even are.

Being Gentle is Key

But, I have found that being gentle to myself is the most helpful. That seems to be the only way that I can push through. I have to learn how to be kind and gentle with myself, if I want to be able to live my life in a more regulated state of mind.

If you’re incredibly harsh on yourself and struggle fully believing that you deserve gentleness and kindness, trust me…you most definitely deserve gentleness and kindness. It’s something that is not easy, but that I do believe is fully possible.

It’s most definitely possible to build a better outlook and understanding of your own self. I’ve found that changing your approach, choosing a more gentle way of speaking to yourself, are incredibly important.

Gaining Insights and Improving Self Regulation

Allow yourself to make mistakes. Recognize the harsh, demeaning thoughts in your brain. Note when they appear, and under what circumstances that they are more likely to be loud or quiet. After recognizing, then communicate with the thoughts, ask them questions, see if you gain any insights and a better understanding of their purpose.

The only way to work through and eventually have less space for those negative thoughts in your brain, is by being gentle and curious. That’s what I’m working on, that’s what I need to keep working on.

Consistently keep showing up and doing just that, and I believe that with time, it will truly get better. It’s possible to build a good self image and to be more self regulated.

Always feel free to comment and share your own insights! It’s important to have safe spaces to discuss and share perspectives and ideas. Keep learning, keep growing…it’s a process, but we’ll get there someday!

Love, Kaitlin

---

Starting my Neurodivergent Blog, It’s Intimidating and Exciting…

All About Me